^^ Because this guy was about as crunchy granola as a man made out of actual granola.
Naked man was a set up by one of my older friends. It (he, sorry, he) was a relative of his, and I was more than happy to oblige him by going on a date with said relative. I do what I can to please the people.
Our first date was... I actually do not remember what our first date was, but we had a pretty good time. He was definitely not what I was usually attracted to (he was a Ute, so, that's exotic.), and I wanted to make sure I gave the relative of my friend a fair chance, so I said yes to a second date.
OH! We went rock climbing on our first date. It was pretty fun, but he made me do it barefoot because I don't own climbing shoes. I cut several of my toes on the rocks that I was climbing barefoot. But he was nice besides that.
On our SECOND date, we hiked 4.5 miles to the hot pools in Springville. Can you tell that this guy likes nature? I bet for our third date we would have swam the Provo river and cooked fish that we speared with our own handmade spears.
If any of you know me, this is comical just by itself. I'll tell ya right now, I probably won't marry a mountain man. I like all of the things that nature can't provide. Like houses.
Nature is great in small doses where you go home and watch a movie afterwards. Humans learned how to make houses so we wouldn't have to live outside anymore. Let's not take that for granted.
For one thing, this man was a lot touchier on a second date than I thought necessary. I don't think you need to cuddle in a hot tub on a second date with someone you have just met. No, no. Don't need that. Second date just means "I wasn't repulsed by you." So after the reluctant cuddling, we started the 4.5 mile hike back to the car. For the ENTIRE hike, which took about 30 minutes, he told me how much he liked to be naked. (Remember, this man is hairy, has a small gut, and a full beard.)
He likes to rock climb naked.
He likes to do yoga naked.
He thinks I should try doing yoga naked. (He wouldn't watch, although he wouldn't mind. Heh Heh. Yes he actually said that. On date 2.)
...
He likes to repel naked.
He thinks he was a nudist in a past life.
Moral of the story: Don't go on dates with people from the University of Utah. Oh, Lizzie. Didn't you already know that?
No, and apparently I needed another reminder because the next guy in these chronicles was also a Ute and also not charming.
I don't make the same mistake twice. I make it two or three times, just to be sure.
I didn't make that up, but isn't it great? I feel like it describes my life.
Side note: Couples should not wrestle. I don't care how "playfully competitive" you are. Please do not wrestle. Please oh please. And if you do, please do it when you are completely alone and there aren't 5 other women watching you throw each other's bodies around. It is so strange. It makes me very uncomfortable because it seems erotic and I know you're not sleeping together, so I don't want to watch you release any sexual tension. Please do that on your own time. I can't tell you how much I don't like it. Actually, I could, but I'm going to stop before I start using unladylike language. Sorry, Sherlynn. I used the language at her so I wouldn't cuss out the couple.
They broke my picture frame.
No wrestling.
That's all. Have a nice day.
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